For Kris

I started feeling baby kick this past Saturday the 28th of January.

11 weeks 4D sono

These two sono picts were from about 5 weeks ago but Kris fussed that I have not updated on my pregnancy. My next sono is on FEB. 16 We should find out if it is a boy or a girl.

This pic was taken by Allen last Thursday. I am in my 16th week of prgnancy.
I you can believe it, the belly has gotten bigger in the last 4 days.

sono pic done on the same day as the one above at 11 weeks.

Just Stopping By For A Minute

I am still having trouble getting pictures on here. When I have these problems I usually email them to RitaPita and she does it from her computer. This too has been delayed because she has a toothache and other stuff going on. So hopefully I will get it done soon.

Thanks to my friend Kristina I am probably going to end up with more maternity clothes for this pregnancy than I have in regular clothes in my closet. That will be great for me because I will have many of cute things to choose from when i feel like a barge and good for her because these will come back to her when she is ready to use them.

Roman had a terrible ear infections lat week along with the crazzy chapped chin thing. After two trips to the pediatrician, antibiotics, and some great steroid cream he is doing much better. He has his personality back and his little face is about 95% healed now.

Nelson (who has never really been athletic) will be haveing his first basketball game tonight. I am so looking forward to it. Frank and I have bet going on if he really run or not. I say yes, he says no.

Thanks for the comments Bradley, Kris, Rita, and Dottie. Now I know I am not the only one writing and reading this.

Dusting Off The Cobwebs In My Mind

I spend a lot of time alone which gives me a lot of time to thinking about everything and nothing all at once. So I have decided to let you see the things that keep my wheels turning as trivial as some may be.

- Star Jones talks way to much. Does she really think I give a shit about her opinion and that of her dingy little monkey Elizabeth Hasselback (or whatever).

- Why is it as soon as my sex drive shoots through the roof my husband starts to act like a seventy year old man. Leaving me to lie awake for hours thinking about sex as he snores. Not to mention that there is a 7 month old baby between us.

- Why did we worry about getting the perfect crib and even go as far as moving it into our room if the baby is never going to sleep in it.

- Why does the baby between us in bed insist on sleeping sideways and smacking his father in the face while kicking me in the baby belly all night. And when I try to put him in his own bed he sticks his feet straight up in the air making it impossible to cover him up. He then wakes and realizes he is not in our bed and commences to pitching a fit until I put him back in our bed where he promptly turns over and goes to sleep, no pacifier no booby.

- Trying figure how my little baby BOY screams like a girl when I try suction the snot out of his little head.

- There is nothing cute or adorable about snot bubbles.

- When I actually take the time to curl my hair and put on makeup why in the fuck does nobody bother saying anything,….Frank! Same goes for cleaning the house and making your fucking tea.

- Why can I not get enough of Brit Brit Spears, stopping to read everything I can about her in magazines, and being disgusted with myself and her all at the same time.

- Why I feel guilty because I do not post everyday. No one cares but me!

- Trying to figure out why I have had so much morning sickness when all I want to do is eat. I should be able to eat anything and everthing right now.

Fat Legs

Roman

Roman loves the bathtub. He actualy spent a small amount of time farting in the tub during this bath. That was a first.
If you can look past the chap chin here is my sweet baby. He is 7 months old now.

I love putting hats on this child. He is so cute in them.

Ok. Speaking of chap chin. Does anyone know how to get rid of it. We have tried everthing. All the pediatrian recommended creams and lotions. I have also tried hydrocortizone, antbiotic ointment, petroleum jelly. I even put diaper rash cream on it and nothing. It has been looking a little better the last couple of day but eating irratates it. It also looks terrible in pictres and I just can't have that. Any advice welcomed!

Just A Couple Of Things That Piss Me Off

I saw this on another blog yesterday and thought it was the most awsome idea I have ever seen!

This subject has been a sore spot for me for a very long time. It is about time someone is doing something about it.

Check this out!

Also My mother law worked with the poor victim of this Freak Accident. Everyone in her office is devastated and shocked. The Ex-couple were on their way to child support recovery to settle some things for their five year old. They of course never made it and the child is without both parents to one very crazy accident. The trees in this area are very old and fall a lot. When we lived downtown in this area two tress fell throught two different houses in that year. Many people complained that something needed to be done about these trees but were ignored. Thank God no one was hurt then. I hate that two innocent people died because the city of August have not taken care of the problem that they are very much aware of.

And lastly: So much for the pics I promised but I can't get blogger to work. It is making me crazy.

Ditches, Poker, and A Camara

It's Sunday and quite quiet actually. The whole weekend has been very slow. That's ok, we need one of those sometimes. I had a really good nap today while Frank played with Roman. A much needed nap.

I did almost kill my husband in the early hours of Saturday. As I mentioned in the last post he went to play poker. Friday night we had many bad storms in the area and tornadoes watches all over the our county and the one around us. I woke up at 1:30 am in a panic. I had visions of Frank laying in a ditch for some reason. I did not know at that point if he had a couple of drinks which is quite common for the poker games and i was filled worry. I lay awake until almost 3am and then called him. After I yelled at him for not being home yet he said he would be here soon. Yeah right, I thought. Well at 3:30am he came rolling in. The first words out of his mouth were, "I know you're mad but......." After that I was fine. Sometimes it's nice to have your anger over something acknowledged as being valid. He did have fun and won over a $100 bucks which was cool for him.

Well, we are fixing to start dinner and I have a whining hungry baby to get to.

Hopefully in the next couple of days I will have some picture updates for you guys. We got a new digital camera for Christmas. Well it sucked so it went back and we finally replaced it with a great one. I am so happy. I have almost two months of picture taking to catch up on. My old camera was mysteriously broken months ago so I have been waiting for my new camera so I can go picture crazy again.

Bitchfest

I seem to be out of sorts. I don't think it is as much hormonal as just lonely. I have not realy had any one to talk to for a couple of weeks except Allen. And to be honest I just don't get that kid sometimes.

My husband ran off to play poker tonight. I know what you are thinking I just didn't want him to go. But actually his playing poker this week was my idea. I know he likes it and it is a outlet. We all need one of those. I think that is my problem, I don't have an outlet. If I were to choose an outloet I don't even know what it would be. I think I need to get out more. No, not like bars and all that crap. I have already said I have had my fill of those.

I think one problem is, is that we are a one car faimly. I usually only get the car when I have a doctor appointment. I do have many of those but that is not a good time out. When I think about it I don't know what I would do if I had the way and means to do anything I wanted to.

I think I am just feeling out of touch with the world. My whole life I have lived in populated areas and now their is no one out there but squirrels and deer. And as I stated in my last post, not a fan of nature so none of that does me any good.

As I write this I realize this is not the first kind of post I have written on the subject. Maybe it is more depression rather than loneliness. I have fought and been treated for depression most of my adult life. But seeing how I have spent what seems like the last two years pregnant medication has been pushed to the back burner. I thought about it before I got pregnant again but I am breastfeeding Roman and that seems more important than me feeling good. In fact I think I would feel worse if I could not breastfeed him.

I actually feel better just writing this. So maybe this is my outlet. Scary thought, huh. Scary because I only get around to doing it about once a week.

Ok, I am bored with this bitch fest. I am sure you are too. Until next time.

Deadly Oyters and Poison Ivy

Did I tell you guys I got a killer case of poison ivy (oak or sumac, whatever) for Christmas. Frank took the boys out to cut fire wood the day before Christmas eve. Well come Christmas morning Nelson and Cody had a questionable rash on their faces. We decided it was most likely poison ivy. No big deal kids get poison ivy. But not me.

I do not go out into nature for a reason. There are bugs, snakes, poison ivy, sprained ankles, and many other things that are not good. i don't care what people say. Nature sucks!

Now back to my story. I woke up the day after Christmas for our anual day after Christmas shopping. I had a few bubble like welts above my left breast. Over the nect couple of days I watched the same thing pop up all over my body. My stomach, back legs, and sides. Now let me explain. As far as I can figure I came in contact with the sap when I did their laundry. And i'm a toucher. Of myself. Always have been. This has never been a problem. Until know. I had no idea when I did their laundry that they had gotten into poison ivy. As of yesterday it is finally clearing up. Yes that would be three weeks after geting it. Three Fucking weeks. Three fucking ithy weeks.

Nelson, who is alergic to everything had a really bad reation to it and was put on steroids. Me being pregnant could not do that so I had to suffer it out. I'm better know, thanks for asking. Oh, you didn't. Well i'm telling you anyway.

Now deadly oysters. We went out to eat last Friday night like we always do. We were with Frank's mom and sister which is normal to. Frank and his mother ate raw oysters with their diner. A lot of raw oysters that lead to a lot of diarhea and puking that did no start until Sunday mornimg. They both were crippled with terrible cramps and felt like crap. Both missed work for a couple of days. I am so glad he is better and back at work. I am terrible at taking care of Frank when he is sick. If you don't believe me ask him. He will tell you.

I ask Frank if this meant that we could never go back to this resteraunt. He said that would not keep him away, the rest of the food was yummy. Thank God, because this is the only place I have ever been that serves shrimp wrapped in bacon. Which might be the best food invention ever made. Someone should get a trophy or gold watch or something for that one.

Happy Birthday Allen!

Today Allen turns 15!

He has gotten so tall. He also has started to give me a look that looks just like his dad. Not all the time just when he thinks something is funny. Today we will go to the DMV and get him a driver's manual. Scary thought for a kid that can't remember why he is standing at the sink with his toothpaste in hand. All I can say is "Get of the road people!"

I Love You and Happy Birthday!

(He is not happy about my choice of pics but I like it)

Sharp Tooth Strikes Again

Roman is still the proud owner of one very sharp tooth. He bites everything with his very sharp tooth. He bites his toys. He bites my fingers. He bites his spoon when I am feeding him. But worst of all he bites my nipples. He did it maybe twice during the last two weeks and one of those he was asleep. No big deal I knew we would eventually go through this but in the last 24 hours I have been bitten 5 times. OMG the pain. I usually yell out when he does this but all he does is smile at me. He thinks it is funny to use his mother's sore hormonal nipples as his personal chew toy. I however am not finding much humor in it. I havebeen trying to figure out how to let him know that he cannot do this. Telling him "No!" in a very firm voice only makes him laugh even more. God help me when he gets more teeth. If he does not let up soon I am going to reach in there and pull that one very sharp tooth put with my bare hands. And everyone that comes in there after. I have plenty of pureed baby food he can live on that the rest of life. What does he really need teeth for?

Happy New Year!

I don't do New Year Resolutions. But I have thought about what I wanted out of the next year.

2005 was pretty awsome. Frank and I welcomed the baby we never truly thought we would would ever had. Roman has not only made our life brighter but he has changed the entire dynamic of our house. We are all much more gentle, silly, quiet, and loving then we were pre-Roman.


Our life in general went from 90 MPH to about 25 MPH. Before Roman came along we spent much time going out and doing things we thought we wanted to do but always felt like a wasted night afterwards. Like we could have done something more fun. Something more worthwhile. Know our life wrapped around nothing but faimly. Just about everthing we do involves relatives. The idea of this would probably send most screaming into the night. But to us it is exactly what we wanted after years of drinking and staying out all night. I have actually gotten to know my in-laws and I like them!

2005 also brought me a strange loneliness that I learned to deal with. When Frank and I left the church we considered home I did not think I would ever recover. But I did. And even though I have decided that I will never find a church that I will call home, I have found my life is less crazy and unpredictable and I never have to worry if anyone is mad at me or if I said or did the right thing to fit IN. I also branched out and met new people and revistited old friendships (HI KRIS) I let slip into the cracks because I was to busy trying to keep up with other ones. I would never had made the choice to make the changes on my own. These are definetly changes that come with force of things out of your control. But they are also the changes that form our life and take us in directions we would never have went on our own.

Now on to 2006. Frank and I have a new baby coming to us this year. One that we did not plan but one that is already so welcomed. We are holding his/her's place in this family with great hope that he/she will bring great things to our life like his/her big brother Roman has done.

Frank and I have our eye on some very specific changes this year. Things that will make us not only happy but again force new turns in this road we call life.

Happy New Year all. I hope your last was as good as mine and hope the new one holds as much hope and happiness in it as mine!

Happy Birthday Ritapita

Today is my very best friend in the whole wide worlds birthday. Happy birthday Ritapita!

The things that Ritapia brought into my life during her 25th year of life on this earth.

- laughter
- listening to me whine about Frank without running away
- rubbing my back and talking softly to me when I was only dialated 3cm with roman and was acting like I was at least 9cm
- still being my friend when I was pregnant and a hormonal bitch
- still being my friend when I am just a bitch
- answering the telephone EVERY single morning when I call to say, "Good Morning!"
- bringing a coupon to help pay for her own birthday dinner
- acting like I am great mom and asking me if, "Xavier did blah blah and is this normal?" and then actually listening to what i have to say and telling me thank you, I made you feel better.
- Going dancing with me at the gay bar when I was 7 months pregnant and dancing with me. That could not have been to pretty.
- taking me out ot eat on my birthday
- sitting in a ER for 7 or 8 hours to watch my 5 and a half month old while you toddler ran around and not c0mplaining.
- defending me whenever someone tries to say bad things about me and sticking to your guns when they still do
- showing me what an amazing and true friend can be if I give them a chance and always being a much better friend to me then I am to her

OK, I'm done with the mushy stuff. I love you. Happy birthday!!!!!!

Time of Death: 10:30 pm

Well the gingerbread cookies were exactly as I suspected they would be, a disater! First problem, I did not have the right flour so we did not get started until 8pm or so. Once dough chilled for an hour I attempted to roll it out only to find it way to sticky. After adding an ungodly amount of flour I got it rolled out. I then had boys come in to choose which cookie cutters they wanted to use. This is where the other problem started. The dough was stuck to the wax paper and I could not peel it of without distorting a hand or a foot. I actually thought that was the point of wax paper, nothing is suppose to stick to it. Stupid wax paper. I finally got all the cookies to the pan to bake them. I felt like I was trying to do gingerbread cookie plastic surgery by reshaping thier little hands, feet, and heads. Once they finally came out of the oven they were not as bad as we thought they were going to be. You could actually recognize.

The boys had fun icing and dumping decorations all over them. I guess that is all that matters. They said they tasted really good. That seemed to be true because they made three a peice and they were gone in a blink of a eye.

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!!!!!!!!

lOVE,
Hotmama
Hotdaddy
Trey
Allen
Cody
Nelson
Roman
and
One in the belly (to be named latter!)

11 weeks pregnant

I went ot the midwife today. i had a ultrasound. The baby was moving around and waving it's little hands and legs. It was so cute if i do say so myself. The also did the ultrasound in 4D which was really cool. it made the baby look like a more like a alien than in the normal U/S.

My blood pressure was through the roof which freaked my midwife out. I have to do this thing called the "24 hour urine test" On Monday and take it back up there tuesday morning. I sure all is fine I do have a history of high blood pressure but i have bben off the medication for a while and it was fine until today. I always have HBP in the office. They call it "White coat syndrome". Also the boys toilet overflowed and flooded my kitchen floor before I left for the midwife, so that might have something to do with it. I never had it with the other kids but as Kris reminded me I am another year older.

I know my ticker up top has a pink background but that is my positive thinking in action.

Happy

I a so much happier with lay out than the other one. RitaPita worked really hard on both and she has a really good handle on the stuff I like, which is really cool in its self. I have to wander if were to design something for here if I could pin point her taste. I think I have a idea of her taste and the things that make her smile but sometimes she surprises me. For example she bought this terrible fish fabric once to cover something. I kept looking at it then her thinking "really, fish? hmmmm." Would not have guessed that one.


Just like my friend Kris. I have always liked her taste but she has always been into earth tones. Where as I am bright colored kind of girl. Now over the years I have adopted her love of green. Not bold bright green but sage and mint and subtle earth tone greens that are great. But like RitaPita she can pick some questionable things too. Like this weird checkered fabric she covered her desk chair with.


I am sure you guys will here about my decorating mistakes now. I know we all make them sometimes. Well except for our friend Will, he has perfect taste. I will take my chances. And just for the record besides making the occasional bad taste decorating mistake. They both are really huge liars. Everyone knows it. So if they do try to tell you about something terribly ugly in my house you can't believe them. Anyone can tell you they both lie a lot!

Makeover

Ok this picture has nothing to do with title so I will get to that in a minute. This is another picture from the lost roll. I like this one a lot. I wish you could see the detail that is in the real photo. He is so cute looking at me. In less than a week I will be able to put pictures up daily that were taken daily. Franks mom has gotten us a great new digital for Christmas. I a very excited!

Ok so I can't make PB fudge either. It is so sad the desserts I can not make. I can pretty much cook the shit out of regular food but if the dessert is not out of a box it's a gonner. I am still planning gingerbread men, I am sure that will be a disater too but I am going to try. Allen really wants to do them.

Ok, the makeover. Rita gave Hotmama a makeover. What do ya'll think? I think I like it. She is really good at it.

Kris, I hear you want ot have a girls night. I am all for that! Just tell me when and where.

Better Late than Never

Roman eating the first time

Even though he has been eating since 4 months these are the time I have gotten to show the pictures. I can thank my local film developer for that one. They lost my film for two months! Oh well, I have them now. I guess that's all that counts.

Starting tonight I am going to have all five boys at home for the next week. I have been trying to get some Christmas crafts together but I am scared they are to big to do stuff like that. We are going to make fudge and gingerbread cookies and then decorate them. A couple of boys want to blow out eggs and decorate them but we already have about a million of those.

Sharp tooth

Well it finally happened. Roman cut his first tooth sunday. He has also developed a very funny growl so i have been calling him 'Sharp Tooth.'

He also developed viral conjunctivitis ( I know I misspelled that one) He has had watery crusty eyes that have earned him another name 'Crusty The Clown.'

He want know which name to answer to if I keep it up.


Pregnancy news:

I am now 10 weeks pregnant. My morning sickness is showing no sign of letting up. I am pretty much sick from the time I wake up until I go to bed at night. I have a few hours scattered through the day when i can eat. But very little so I am constantly hungry!

I am going on the 22nd for a sonogram. I can't wait to see a healthy baby jumping around in there especially after all the morning sickness. It will give me something to get me through the nausea and puking.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my birthday. I am not really expecting anything great. I have not had a great birthday in years. What's more depressing than turning 36? turning 36 with no celebration. Just like turning 35, 34, and blah blah blah.

Ok, I will stop whining now. My grandmother has been in the hospital since last Thursday. I love her so much and worry about her. She has been in a nursing home since 1996. My mother never lets a day go by without Going to see her. She washes her hair, changes her grandma diaper, paints her nails, and does her laundry. The dedication my mother has shown toward my grandmother over the last 10 years has been amazing. I can only hope my own children would care this much about me when i get old and need them. It is still up in the air about how she is doing. somethings look better but others look worse. We are kind of in a holding pattern. She is to frail to do surgery on so other options have to be used. Even the other options are almost too much for her. One procedure she needs could actually make things worse so we are just waiting it out to see what happens.

Oh, yeah I saw my black sheep sister yesterday. I don't think there is much change there but I am trying to be more patient around her. Someone I know had a sister very much like my own and lost her to a overdose. I try to remember that these days because I don't want anything to ever happen to her and me be angry with her because of her sucky choices. She spent the day yesterday at the hospital trying to pick silly fights with me. It took everything in my hormonal body to let it go but I did. I am very proud of me!

Balling The Doctor

I am not only the worst speller but the worst typist. I just went back and read my last post. I always do that when i put one up that makes me nervous. I go and look to see what I said because I can't see it clearly when I am typing originally.

Anyway, I love not only all the Typo's but also the the fact that I wrote that Frank was going to ball the Dr. instead of call him. I think that's how we got in trouble to begin with.

Ya'll Won't Believe This Shit.

Well I said last post that we have a lot going on. I was not ready to tell anything then and still don't know if I want to now.

As you guys know I have had a lot of stuff going on health wise. Hemorrhaging cyst, crazy cervix, and a mole that needed to come off. Well my pap came back normal, my cyst is still there but doc. said it was shrinking, and I had the mole removed a week and a half ago. And the sinus/ear infection cleared up with a round of antibiotics.

While the doctor numbed me up he ask me if I was pregnant. I of course laugh in his face. Probably louder than I should. Saying "NO!, but anything is possible." Why did I say that ? that was weird. I did not think about it again until the next when i went to eat lunch wiht Nelson at school. As I drove home I had this strong urge to take a pregnancy test. I rolled my eyes to myself and said "whatever." I decided for peice of mind I would take the test. I came home and handed baby Roman over to Allen. I went upstairs and locked the door to my bathroom. I got the test out and followed the directions. I'll be damned if there were not two lines before I could finish wiping. I, of course, burst into tears. How am I going to tell Frank about this? Roman is only 5 months old! I do pregnancy really really bad! We have 5 kids!

I packed Roman up and went straight to RitaPita's. I started crying again as soon as I saw her standing on her porch. After stitting with her for a couple of hours I went home to wait for Frank. When he got home I ask him if he loved me no matter what. He looked at me and said " Your pregnant." I burst into tears agian. We went and got two more test that came back with same results. We did not talk about it again for the rest of the night.

The next day I decided I needed to go to the Doctor because I had been very crampy the last couple of weeks. I had a ssumed it was the cyst. I went to a local ER so I could be seen immeditatly. I have zero patience. Well 8 hours latter I am told that yes I was pregnant but no it is not a viable pregnancy. It was a blighted ovum. Well now I am completely confused. What is the point of me getting knock up now if it was not going to be a viable pregnancy.

I am feeling huge guilt about being so upset after learning I was pregnant and know something is wrong. What kind of mother am I? No matter how big of a surprise or how unplannned, I would never wish harm to any of my babies.

I was told to come backin a week to confirm blighted ovum. I spent the next week praying and trying to make sence of what wasgoing on. I went back on the 23 and all they did was blood work. I was told that my bloodwork look fine and go see my OB. What!? I am so confused at this moment. I am still cramping and they are just going to send me out the door without doing another ultrasound to make sure it is not in my tube. (Tubal Reversals carry a high risk op etopic pregnancies)

I come and call Frank at work and tell him. he dicides to ball the doctor that did my reveswal. they say under NO circumstances am I to go one more day without a ultrasound. so Frank and I head back to a different ER and tell them what is going on. they take me up to do another ultrasound. I have prepared myself for the bad news and have decided that whatever God is up to I would be OK with it. I just know I would be missing Thanksgiving because I would be recovering from surgery for the etopic I knew I had.

Well the tech does the ultrasound. she clicks and mesures things. She said she can't find my left overy. I keep watching Frank's face because I am sure he will tell me something. He has seen aenough of these to know how tho read a ultrasound by now. He makes no facial expresion what so ever. the tech then flips the screen around where I can see it too. There on the screen is a little blob with a tiny little blinking dot.

You got it. I am pregnant. 7 and half weeks pregnant. Once the shock has worn off, Frank and I both are fine. Roman will be 13 months old when this one is due. Of course due to my cholestasis I will deliver early which means Roman will only be about 12 months old. Due date as of know is July 12th. This may change because I do not know when I ovulated. I put my due date in a prgnancy calculator and and it said I got pregnant on the http://fiveinchheels.blogspot.com/2005/10/just-for-record.html18th of October. If I was going to get pregnant I am glad that was the time I did. You have to read my entry from that day to understand what I am talking about.

We are not telling the boys for a while so no one spill beans for us, OK!

Happy Tanksgiving Ya'll

Sorry I have been away for so long but I have had so much going on. Nothing I can talk about just yet but my family has so much to be thankful for this year. We are going to the parents to day Franks first then mine. RitaPita and her family will be going with us to Frank's mom. I hope it turns out nice. I am glad I am spending thanksgiving with her. I hope she will not be disappointed with the southern meal I know will be searved up.

Well I am off to make 2 pumpkin pies, one cheesecake, and a HUGE macaroni and cheese. Have a good one all!

Pictures of Ren Fair

Me and RitaPita doing my Hotmama and Frank pose

Elizabeth, Veronica, me, and RitaPita

Veronica

RitaPita, How cute is that picture?

Worring and the Renaissance Fair

Did I ever tell you internet that I am a worrier. Well, I am. I have been worring about my body falling apart. Along with my cyst (which I still have) and cervix (I still have it too) I had a questionable mole on my stomach. I finally went today and had it removed. It went just fine, almost no pain at all during the actual procedure. It is a little sore now but nothing compared to the other pain I have been in lately. I am glad to see it go. I could just kick myself right now for laying in those stupid tanning beds in the 80's. I am not sure if there is any connection with the mole and the tanning bed but I do know that mole only popped up about four years ago and it has looked like trouble ever since.

Rita, Veronica, Elizabeth, and I went to North Carolina last weekend for the Renaissance Fair. We had so much fun. I took baby Roman with us and he was an angel. Aside from crying in the car for about twenty minutes on the way up there he was very good. He hates car seats and the girls were all like he is OK he will get over it and I am like OMG pull over he is crying and it is killing me. He did eventually calm down but it was the longest twenty minutes of my life. I am going to put them in my next post.....mmmmk.

Look What I Can Do!

Roman is 5 months old now. He has been trying to master the art of sitting up on his own. Here is proof that he is getting closer. Ignore my my too short shorts and the tattoo I never remember I have until a picture like this. I can't beleive how fast he is growing. He is not as bald as the picture suggest. The top hair that he lost is actually coming back in. I can't really tell what color it is yet but think it is going to be light.

Nelson's Self Portrait In Words

When I was cleaning today I found a sheet of paper Nelson had written.

This is it exactly as I found it.

N arrow-minded
E xilent
L azy
S mart
O dd
N earsighted

I think I may see a little of me in his view of himself and I am not just talking about his spelling!

As Usual

Things did not work out as planned. Yes, I admit that my plan was a little ambitious. And of the course the romance got lost. We spent out Roman free time buying film and a hat mittens for him. Our trip to Helen Ga. was nice though. I have pictures but it will be a while before I can get my hands on them because with all the planning I still left the house without my camera. Film but no Camera. What kind of mother does that? My sister-in-law took pictures but it will be forever before she finishes her roll and get them developed. Helen was a whole lot more touristy than I thought it would be. Nothing but little shops selling flea market merchandice. Every thing was ridiculously overpriced. I did manage to buy boiled peanuts, fudge and a yummy bottle of chardonney we found at a mountain winery.All said it was a nice day.

We spent Sunday morning recovering from the trip. The afternoon was spent trying to get the boys ready for halloween. They won't be trick-or-treating but we will be going to my mom's church for their harvest festival. We have done this for several years now and it has always been a lot of fun. Hay rides, costumes, and all the hotdags and junk you can eat.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Romance 101

Frank I were suppose to have romantic night tonight. As usual it probably will not happen. I had set it up with my mom two weekends ago to watch Roman while Fank and I went to "dinner". I can't very well tell her that we really were planning on coming home and drinking a couple of glasses of my favorite wine and having loud sloppy sex without having to worry about putting my kids into counceling latter because they heard it. It is bad enough that Trey walked in on quiet married sex last weekend and then pretended that he never actually opened the door. I spent 20 minutes trying to pry out of him what he saw without actually saying "Do you know what we were doing?" Lucky for us I still had my t-shirt on and it was a quickie to put my husband to sleep. Because if it were a lets put Hotmama to sleep we would have a whole lot more "splainin" to do. He would still be in a fetal postion somewhere trying to wipe the image out of his mind.

Back to the romantic night. Its hard to talk Frank into these things. His idea of getting things going is him grabbing his crotch and saying "You want some of this?" I know ladies don't get jealous. He's all mine!

But now the day is here and my sister Kristy is coming into town with my neice. Now I just want ot go and hang out with them because I only get to see them about once a month. We also have a trip planned to go Helen Ga. tomorrow and I have to go get film. God forbid we go anywhere wiyhout film. My child would not know how to react without the paparazzi chasing him.

I guess I will figure it out. Maybe I can try to squeeze it all into one night. I have been drunk with a afterglow at Walmart before I guess i can do it again.

So the plan:

1) take baby to mama's and get boys to their dad's
2) drink wine and have loud sloppy drunk sex
3) visit with sister and neice
4) buy film and pack for day trip
5) be at mother-in-law's house by ten or eleven tonight and try to sleep before leaving at a ungodly hour to go to Helen in the morning.

Wish me Luck

Happy Birthday Tabbie

This is a name some of ya'll have not heard. It's my sister. Every year from Oct. 27 to Dec. 6 are the exact same age.

Will fnish latter baby is fussing..........it's now 14 hours latter. I want to finish while it is still her brthday.

My sister has a lot of problems. She is a self admitted meth addict. My mother is raising her kids and we usually go for weeks at time without hearing from her, hoping she is not dead. The longest we ever went was a year. Finding out she was living three hours away.

Our faimly is playing tuff love with her rihgt now. For years she has floated in and out of all of our lives. She has been particularly hard on my mother, guilting her out of clothes, money, and cars on her "I promise I am going to change. Can I stay with you until I can get back on my feet." Right after Roman was born she showed up at my house looking for somewhere to stay for a couple of days. After a huge fight and a lot of terrible words she left then went and got into it with my parents who made her leave their house too. She has been even more distant since then and living even more secretive than usual. She want give any info of where she is or a phone number.

I do love her and worry about her al the time. I pray for her safty all the time. Everytime I hear on the news that body is found I always hold my breath until I hear it is not her.

I know you will not read this but I do love you sister. Happy Birthday! I hope your 35th year is the year you come back to us.

Love,
Your Big Sister

Comments and Kid Update

Ok I have noticed that no one ever comments anymore. I know people vistit and read but not one ever says anything. I was os nervous about the last post and not one person said anything. I really miss Rita I know she would have said something. If anyone has any ideas on how to stir stuff up around here let me know. But wait that would require commenting.

Other Stuff:

Much like my blog not much going on in life. I spend all day catering to King Roman and schooling Allen. He is doing well. Nelson got his report card and did really good. He did make a "D" in English but that is his hardest subject and we are gonna try and pull that up. Other than that he got A's and B's. I am VERY VERY proud of him. Trey is still trying ot get his driving licence which is become a big pain in the butt not because of the test itself but the non-corporation of his school giving the correct paper work. In the state of Georgia you have to have papers showing that he is in school and they can't get their stuff togeather. My parents actually got him a car and it is just sitting waiting for him to get his permit. Hopefully soon he will have it. He also got a new job that he seems to be happy about.

SAD PATHETIC news of the day: Frank was in bed by 8:30 tonight . My hot husband is turning into a old fart. BORING!!!!!

Tye

WARNING: This is a very telling post of my past. It aint pretty. I hope you still respect me after you read it. It is part of how I have become the person I am today. That I am proud of. If you comment I ask that you be kind! It has been a draft for four days so I get the get the courage to publish it.


I wanted to take a minute and explain the drawing that has been added to the right of the page. I was working dayshift at a club in 1999 when a ex of one of my partners in crime came in. He had this huge canvas type thing covered up under a tarp. I am going to try and give his name but I am afraid I will misspel it. His signature was hard to read. His name is Daryle Zerbal. Before I finish that story let me first tell you how I came to know him and his ex.

I met her in the second club that I worked in Augusta. We hit off immediately and before I knew it I was doing an eightball a day with her. There were three of us in that club that worked all night just to pay for the coke that was fronted to us as we came in the door. We preceeded to plow through drugs, alchol, men, and women. It became one big game. Barbie and I got closer and closer and before I knew it I had feeling for her that was not just a game. These feeling helped me spiral lower and lower into a world that I was no longer in control of. I had handed all of my cotrol over to her. She and I would always came to each other at the end of the day where we would find time do whatever I intoxicated bodies led us to do. I woke up on more than one occasion butt naked in her bed not remembering what had happen the night before Once I woke up in her bed with her and Daryle asleep in the living room. I had foggy flashbacks of a drunk sloppy threesome. She told me later that I spent the majority fo the time swatting away Daryle hands everytime he tried to touch me. I had only wanted to be with her and would not allow him to act out the fantasey of having two women at one time. I realized then that I wanted her and only her.

By this time, it was clear that our relationship was never going to be what I had fantasied about. She had taken to actually slapping me in the face whenever she wanted to show the people around her that I was her "Bitch." I let her do this because of my feelings and the fact that she was my main connection to the cocaine I HAD to have at this point. I had always said that I would never exchange sex for money and during Masters week of 1998 I had finally gotten to close to crossing that line. Barbie told me that she, myself, and one other girl would be doing a private show for a man in the house he had rented for the week. Once we got there we got as fucked up as we possibly could consuming as much coke, pot, and vodka before "showtime." Our danced turned into a private sex show for this man. He sat and masterbated as the three of us "performed" for him. (OK I promise not ot use "those" anymore) I never allowed him to actually touch any of us but it was way too close to breaking my golden drug rule. I went to work that night and worked the last night of Masters week. I then walked away form her and that club to try and clean myself up. I decided to do it on my own and what fun that was. After a couple of months I went back to work at a different club. I broke all ties with her and everyone else that I partied with. I spent the next three years steering clear of her. I had two relapses where I did one line each time because I thought I could and just wanted a littlt of that old feeling. One with her. Eventually I successfully broke free of her. Dayrle however would pop in every now and then to say hi and ask me out,.I turned him down for obvious reasons. I did do a private party for him later along with another dancer and room full of his friends. This too being another low in my life. Also another story for later.

Years later Barbie started working at the club that I eventually retired from. There were rumors of STDs and prostitition that swirled around her and as much as I wanted to help her I knew that it would not be possible for me to do so without getting sucked in again. I was not going to risk that. I also knew that she was a vindictive girl. I had seen her steal shoes of girls she hated and put Visine in their drinks to make them sick so they would have to go home for the night. I was very protective of myself, my property and my drinks at this time so I would not fall victim to her yet again. She was in the hospital with, what I was told, The Clap on my last day of work. I never saw her again after that.

Now back to the drawing. Daryle gave this to me about a year before I retired something he did from memory because I had not seen him for at least a year or so prior to him giving it to me. Even though it carries all kinds of bad memories with it I love it so much. I have always felt quite honored that he did it for me even with our history. He did a great jub of capturing the details of who I was at that time. The Eygptian Cross on my arm is actually a tatoo on my leg and the collar and leash captured my very latex and black period I went through. He got the droop of my nose just perfect. And now you know the story of the drawing to the right. Sorry so LONG.

OH yeah, Tye was my stage name.

Educating Allen

People have been asking me how Allen's homeschooling is going. Well it seems to be going great. He was born to be homeschooled. The last couple of years when he was in regular school he called at least 3 times out of the week for me to pick him up. He always had a headache or his stomach hurt. I was beginning to think he had a tumor because his head hurt so much. When he failed the 7th grade for the second time and I went into panic mode. And when we started this whole endeavor I was terrified. But since we have started I have figured out that I think Allen has social anxiety and this is a good fit for him. Frank worries about him not having enough interaction with other kids. Well we lucked out and one of his friend from up the street is homeschooled to so they meet up every day at about 2:00 and do what ever it is that 13 and a 14 year old does.

I think the only thing that he is missing is the abuse of middleschool and I am thankful I could save him from that. Kids at that age are so hurtful. I HATED middle school. I wish I had an option maybe I would not have as many issues if I could have been saved from it. I want say it is the root of all my problems because my childhood really did a number on me but it did not help. That is for sure. But back to him....sorry......he is doing great.I think we finally made a good decision. I guess the odds were eventually in out favor.

Just For The Record

After 8 months of "pelvic rest" and 4 months of hurry before the baby wakes up. I have just had some really really GOOD sex. Yeah, it's weird me telling the internet and all but it really has been that long and it really was that GOOD!

Prunes.......YUK!!!!

My poor guy is super constipated. He has been taking solid foods for about three weeks now and loves it. His favorite is bannannas and sweet potaoes.....so you can imagine why this post is called "Prunes." Roman has been trying to poop since Friday and has only gotten out two golf ball sized dark poops. It so sad to watch him try to go. He grunts and turns bright red and still does nothing. I went to the store yesterday to find something to help him. I have been advised to use mineral oil, Karo syrup, and baby laxatives but I cannot bring myself to give him any of these. So I broke down and got him eight bottles of prunes instead. On the first attempted to feed it to yesterday he burst into tears after about five bites. I tried again latter last night and he ate the rest of jar. But that has been over 24 hours ago and still no poop. I am reluctant to give him anymore just yet because I think once it works I am going to have a huige mess on my hands. I am going to give him one more day and then feed him another jar with only breast milk until then. If any one has any ideas out there I will be happy to hear them I (when I say I, I mean Roman) am getting desperate.

Girly Night Update:

Rita, Veronica, and I had a really good time. We also invited Sarah and Kris but neither of them could make it. I am just going to have to say ya'll missed a good time. There was too much food, 2 bottles of cheap wine, and a very girly movie. Something that is going to have to happen again because sometimes I think we need that. Just the giggling alone was worth doing it again. Frank who was suppose to play pocker ended up staying home and became my parttime nanny. I fed the baby and then he took upstairs until he was ready for bed then I took back over until he went to sleep. Thanks Frank!!! You are a good daddy.

Those Are Some Big Honkin Feet

Roman was born all feet and hands. For the last four months I have alternated between about 4 pairs of sock that would fit him. Leaving the other ninety six pairs to lay in his drawer never to be worn. I finally broke down yesterday and went ot buy him socks and resolved not leave until I found some that actually fit his big'ole feet. I thought maybe it was just a matter of finding the right brand or style but OH, was I wrong. After we stood there for twenty minutes holding pair after pair up to those boats we finally started opening packages and and popping those little platic thingies off to try them on to see which one fit. We ended up walking out of the store with six pairs of socks labeled TODDLER: Size 18-36 month. The child is only 4 months old. At this rate by the time he is 18 months old he is going to wearing Nelson's socks.

Dollar Movie:
We went ot dollar movie last night. I have said for years I would never be one of those people that brought their baby to the movies but there I was. While Frank, my mother-in-law, and sister-in- law watched. I spent my time rocking and bouncing a very tired baby in the back of the theater and then evetually outside in the hall way. After I got him to sleep I snuck back in, letting me see the beginning and the end of Wedding Crashers. Which from what I could tell was pretty good. Oh well, better luck next time.

Girly Night:
Rita and I are going to try and have girly night toningt. This will be first time since Roman was born that we are going to do something together. Our something is only going to be dinner and a movie HERE but it still a girly anyway. So as we eat and watch the movie we will play pass the baby back and forth. It's been a while since Rita has spent time with him so I might actually sit through a movie without bouncing and rocking him myself!

Joe Dirt

In about three day most of the hair on TOP of Roman's head has fallen out. All he has left is the sides and back. (ya'll know a picture is coming) As I look at the top of his bald head I realize that when it grows back in it will grow in as a mullet. Making me the mother of Joe Dirt. How white trash will that be?!?!

My Daddy

Yes, it's sad I still call him daddy. Anyhow......He had surgery on his throat yesterday morning. there was some sort of knot that had to come out. The doctor said it came form really bad acid reflux. I did not find out about the surgery until Monday. this week has been really weird for me emotionally. My father and I are not very close. In fact he never talks to me when I am around, which is a lot. When I call the house and he answers the phone I just ask for my mom and that's it. No hi, I love you, kiss my ass, or bite me. Is mama there? Yeah....silence. Mama gets on the phone, done.

I know I broke his heart when I was a teenager because I left home in 11th grade. I don't think he has ever gotten over it. He does not hug me or tell me he loves me unless prompted to do so. It would be easy to think he is like this with everyone but he actually talks to my little sister. The one that lived at home while she went college and actually finished. She proceeded to get a real job...that she hates...for Department of Social Services. She never ran off in high school, got pregnant, got married, had three kids. got divorced, stripped for a living, did coke and everyother drug she could get her hands on, slept around, became a lesbian (OH, I didn't tell you about that.....Well I not going to right now either) went "staight" again, and finally settled down. I just don't know what it is about me that makes him uncomfortable.

Well any case he is doing fine. The lump was sent ot pathology but seem to look fine by doctor. So we will, like everything else in life, wait and see.

See, I Do Take Other People's Pictures

My favorite lady in the whole world. My grandmother with two of her babies with her. She LOVES her babies! Also, my other neice and my mom.

My sweet neice holding her living and breathing babydoll.

Mr. man dressed up for homecoming at is Mawmaw's church.

A Perfect Moment

As I lay sleeply nursing Roman with Frank snuggled up against me is a perfect moment.

Hemorhaging Cyst and UTI's

I have been feeling overly tired lately and could not figure out why. About six weeks or so I had what I thought was a period. It came on very fast with heavy bleeding that lasted for 3 days and stopped as fast as it started. I did not really think to much of it since I am breastfeeding. Well for about 3 weeks now I have been feeling PMSey and waited for my period to start again. I waited and I waited but no period. I just have gotten more tired and have had a lot of back pain and cramping. Wend. I started bleeding again. It came on just as fast as last time and got heavier and heavier. I then realized that I have done this before. the month before Roman was conceived. I had the same thing happen and my friend Pam went with me to the doctor where I was told I had a cyst. My doctor gave me some sort of hormone pill and the bleeding stopped. Throughout my pregnancy I had pain in the spot that the cyst was located but no one ever said anything about it and I did not think about it again until yesterday morning. I had been up and down most of the night feeling like I was going to bleed to death. I decided I should probably go and get it checked. After 5 hours in the ER I was told that yes, I have something called a hemorhaging cyst and for added fun a UTI. They gave me a super strong antibiotic and pain medicine. Hopefully now I can get back to normal. I argued with the doctor that I did not see how antibiotic would make a cyst go away but he said it sighed and said it would, like I was an idiot. So I guess I will have to wait to see. I am still bleeding so its not working yet.

All I really want to do is sleep but as any one with children and a four month old (who is breastfed) knows this is just a fantasy.

The doctor did say however that I have wonderful looking cervix to be four months postpartum. ERRR.......Thanks! I've been working out?

Perfectly Healthy Baby

Baby Roman had his 4 month checkup yesterday and besides the fact he seems to have a little cold his doctor said he is perfectly healthy baby. He weighs 15 pounds now. He carries at least 13 of those pounds in his thighs and knees. He recieved 3 shots yesterday that almost killed me and him. You see my baby does not cry. He has never had real reason to cry I am always their to stop whatever could make him cry. The most he ever gets worked up is in the night when he is hungry. These hunger tantrums only last seconds because he is in the crib right beside me so before he can really cry I snatch him up and save the day...night. But yesterday it all changed. He was all smiles as the evil nurse enters. She takes his wonderful smile away in about 2 seconds with three pokes of three needles. He cried so hard that he actually had tears. Real tears that streamed down his perfect soft face as he tried to catch his breath. I sat their wishing I had something to catch those tears in so I could save them forever. After five minutes of crying as he tried to nurse he stopped, only to start up a second latter as relived the horror he experienced five minutes earlier. I try to tell him everything is OK but all he says is, " No its not it, It will never be OK again!" But after another five minutes he was fine and he was OK and the world did not end. I did however informFrank to plan on taking half day off on December 7 because I want him to have the joy of shot day. why should I keep that all to myself. I am giving person I want him to have some too. Don't you think that is fair.

Now here are some pictures of the perfectly healthy baby. My pitures are actually 2 weeks behind because I do not have a digital camara so we have wait for pics to be developed. These are him at about 15 weeks he is about 17 weeks now. I however have pics being developed as we speak. God forbid my child goes a day with the paparozzi (how in hell do you spell that?) chasing him. He is going to grow up thinking he is a celebrity and will not understand why his wife is not running behind him taking his picture as he poops or eats. I will just tell him it's because she obvioulsy does not love him as much as I do.

This is Frank playing the one-eyed baby game with pip sqeak monkey legs

Roman at Arts in the Heart of Downtown Augusta. What you can't see is how freakin hot it was that day!

Look at those big fat sleeping cheeks

Sex, Drugs, And Rock N' Roll

So, Fank and I went ot his mother's Baptist church this Sunday for homecoming. I have not set one foot into a Baptist church for at least 18 years. I greww up southern Baptist and decided that it was nor for me early on. Well I can saftly say my opion has not changed. As much as I really loved the old hymns and smallness of the church itself I heard something that took me back to the old days of fire and brimstone. As the preacher introduced the guest speaker for the beginning of thier revival week and said nice things about him he described him as: Being saved from alcohol, drugs, and rock music. I'll just leave it at that.


A Trey Story:

When we went to Six flags a couple af weeks ago Trey had been up for 3 days straight because he had gone to Alabama to help give food out after Hurricane Katrina. We picked him up that morning as the bus came in and went staight to Six Flags. Needless to say by the end of the day he was crazy tired. He rode in the back seat beside Roman and tried to sleep. Roman who was also tired and cranky fussed softly in his car seat. Trey in his sleepless fog tried to make him stop fussing so he could sleep. After a few failed attempts to give him his pacifier I heard this from the back seat, "Shut up and eat your pacifier." Nice, huh. I am gonna have to get that kid some parenting classes before he gives me grandbabies.

12 step program

OK, I need help. I cannot stop taking pictures of this child. Not only can I not stop taking them but I can't stop sharing them. I hope you people can forgive me. I have noticed I never get comments anymore which leads me to believe that every one is getting tired of my constant need to put pictures on here. Oh Well, I would like to tell you it is going to stop but its not I like doing it to much. By the way he is 14 weeks old in these pitures. Look at him sitting up. He is so amazing in his little bear slippers and his scrunched up sleeping face.

Happy Birthday Nelson!!!!!

Due to the fact that I have a new baby I seem to be putting the other boys on the back burner. Nelson's birthday was this month and I am just getting around to mentioning it.

Happy Birthday Nelson. He is now 12. One more year and I will have four teenage boys!

Roman's first trip to Six Flags. Here is good one of him and his daddy. Don't ask me which is which. They both have similar personalities and facial hair.

The whole family together for the first time since Roman was born. This was one of the best days we have had as faimly in long time. Six Flags is what we did for Nelson's birthday.

Reservation For One

There are just a couple of things that I believe God reserves a special place in hell for those people that do horrible things to others here on earth.

Let me share one that I hope fits. My X-husband called me yesterday to let me know that the three Playstation games and the unopened BIRTHDAY card with $50 in it from his memaw and Papa to my 12 year old son has been stolen while he was working. How in the world do you open up a little boys birthday card and steal his money and the freakin brthday card. What a low life. I would like to think that it was someone that really needed the money and ........games. Naw, that is the work of a crackhead. I hope he remembers that card addressed to a little boy when satan ushers him to his hot ass seat in hell.


Unrelated:

I have gotten the urge to start posting again. I have several things lined up in my head to talk about. Hopefully I will back tomorrow to share them with you.

Oh and by the way my baby is still beautiful.

Pip Squeak Monkey Legs

Eight Weeks Old






Twelve Weeks Old

Pictures before Roman

Here are a few pictures I finally downloaded before Roman came along. I thought it would be fun to share these with my few loyal readers. Mostly because I don't get around to giving you something to read but about once a week. Hope you guys enjoy. In the next couple of days I hope to put some pics of Roman on here.




Frank and I only have about a hundred of these photos. One day I plan on making one big self portriat collage out of them.




Me at seven months in our yard.




My baby shower. From left to right: my nephew, me, mom, neice, and one of my sisters. Look at that belly! I really liked yhat shirt at the end of my pregnancy.




The night before Roman was induced From left clockwise: Allen-14, Trey-16, Me and Roman, Frank, Nelson-11, Cody-12 (turned 13 since this pic).

My Baby Love

Have I said lately how much I love my baby son. In the last 48 hour he has actually figured out that I am mama. He looks past everyone in the room to find me and smile. He looks for me when I am talking. I love it so much. All the sleepless nights, which by the way are not so sleepless anymore, are well worth it to see him recognize me. Me, his mama, I love it so much.

Back to the not so sleepless thing. The last week or so Roman has been going to sleep by ten and waking for minutes at a time to suckle (with the exception of some crying from what appears to be early teething pain) and sleeping until at least 10am. OK people do you get the at least 10 am part because he has slept untl noon a couple of times. And even bigger news Roman slept in his own crib from 10 until 5:30am. Waking to eat twice but going right back to sleep. It was heaven.

As of yet it looks like homeschooling will begin on Monday for Allen. Wish me luck!!

Me and my IUD

Will I swear this is not as bad as you think it is gonna be.

This is more about what a ding dong I am than the IUD.

I had an appointment to get an IUD scheduled for last week but could not remember the time. I decided to call and confirm it and that way I would not miss it.

This is how the conversation played itself out:

Me: Hi, It's Hotmama, I was just checking to see what time my appointment is tomorrow. I think it is at 12:45.
Phone Girl: I am not finding it. What is the appointment for?
Me: I am coming in to get a DUI.

Nice phone girl confirms the time and I hang up. When Frank gets home I tell him that I will need the car tomorrow because I am going to get my DUI. He said "Your DUI, huh."

I am such an asshole sometimes. That could happen to anyone, right?

Monday

No this post has nothing to do with Monday. I just don't know how to express how I feel. I am not doing very well with my body image these days. I have always been a very small girl. Tiny most of my life . I also knew that when I was pregnant with Mr. Roman that my body would not bounce back the way it did 10 years. But this so depressing. I only gained like 27 punds when I pregnant which is really darn good if I do say so myself. But since I have given birth I am still gaining weight. When I went to the doctor 5 weeks after giving birth I was only 9 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant. well last week I went to the doctor to get my IUD and I have gained 3 more pounds. WTF? If you ask Frank he will tell you that all I eat is junk. He is right. I can not get enough of cakes, cookie dough, and brownies. Just for the record I have NEVER been a eater of these things now that is all I want. Maybe it is hormonal. I don't know. But I do know that I am miserable. I am not happy with the person I am seeing in the mirror and the one that I am seeing in the one million pictures we are taking around here. Here I am talking and bitching about it am I really gonna do anything about it probably not. I am lazy. Let me say that again, LAZY. ( in my defence my ex cracked my tale bone once when he threw me across a room so I can't do sit ups. But I probably would not do them anyway if I am being honest.) I want it to go away the way it always has. I want my old body back that I never had to work for. I had gotten a little belly after I quit dancing but I was never really worried about that. I would take that little belly right now . Please come back little belly. Please go away big non-pregnant belly.

Not only is the extra weight effecting the way I feel but it is messing with my sex life. I do not want Frank to go anywhere near me. And the thought of creative positions is also out of the question. My loose hanging parts bouncing everywhere under the inlfluence of gravity makes me feel ill. I know the kind of woman my husband is attracted to (he lets me know ALL the time when he sees one on the street or tv.) and I am not it right now. OK thats enough of that..

Dottie you did a really great job hosting Julie's baby shower yesterday. I enjoyed it very much and as always I love being at Will and Sarah's house. Everytime I leave thier and I have spent time with Will's mom I think Will's mom rocks. She is a really good grandma and I like to talk to her. The more I am around her the more I like being around her. I guess it makes sence seeing how she gave birth to one of my favorite people in the world.

And lastly Frank and I have been bouncing back in forth between three different churches. We have hit a wall becaiuse he liikes one and I like another. The weird thing is the one he likes is my mom's church so naturally you would think this would be my first choice but the more we go there the more I realize this is not where I want to be. Church should feel like home and I don't feel that there. I'm scared I will never feel that in any other church again. I hope it is not once in a lifetime thing. I am going to campain for one of the other ones that I like more. I just want to be somewhere so I can get my baby dedicated and Nelson can finally be baptised like he has wanted to for two years now. This means a decision will have to be made soon. I am not good at having things in the air. This uncertainty is not helping my present mood either. Hopefully God will let me now something soon.

COMING TOMORROW :

Very goofy story about me and a IUD.

To Roman:

Sometimes you furrow your eyebrows and look like you are really pissed off for no good reason. That's when I call you 'angry baby'. Well at 9 weeks and 3 days old you took 'angry baby' to a whole new level. I was stiitng trying to talk to you and play with you but you wanted to eat instead. As I try harder to get you to smile you squeal out in utter frustation. the squeal is so high pitched and loud that it surprises even you. You become deathly silent and stare at me like I made the noise. (You also do this when you pull your own hair) I look at you and laugh really hard, yes laugh, that is the kind of mom I am. I laugh at you, a lot. You are a very funny and you are just like your daddy. I laugh at him too.

Nothing Like A Little Monkey Ass To Keep You Up At Night

I love this tattoo!

But sadly this tatto made me loose sleep last night.

It made me lay in bed thinking about the word butthole/asshole. Why don't we call our mouth a facehole?

Seven Hours of My Life I Will Never Get Back

Yesterday I spent about seven hours in the car driving around running errands. That is seven hours in the car under the hot Georgia/South Carolina (I live smack on the border ) sun. So that got me thinking of all the other places I could have driven to in seven hours.

Starting from home I could have driven to:

1) Nashville, TN
2) Orlando, FL
3) Mobile, AL
4) Norfolf, VA

And one more hour could have gotten me to:

5)Frankfort, KY
6)Jackson, MS

But in all honesty these places sound as boring as my seven hour drive in circles yesterday.

Where could you drive to in seven hours?

OOOOh, How Hot Can One Gay Man Be?

OK anyone who nows me know that I have had a mad crazy love for Elton John for years. As unpopular as it may be I could not help myself. He is so great. I even have one of his songs picked out for my funeral. I even went as far as dressing up and stripping down to nothing but a pair of 5 inch heels and Elton John glasses while dancing to Crocodile Rock in my working days. I was happy to do it and loved to see the confused faces of my customer's faces as I stripped to a obviously gay man's song in their hetrosexual world.

After seeing these pics of Elton I so totally take him over Lenny anyday. Go here to RitaPita's house to know what I am talking about. Please have a gander at this very sexy Mother Fucker!!!





I am so wanting him even more right now I can not even tell you.

And Kris if you are reading Rita said that Elton John looks very much like your husband in these pics. What do you think? Tell Dale not to freak out that dosn't make him gay but I might be looking at him a little bit differntly from now on. Maybe if he dosn't talk I can fantasize he is my living breathing young sexy Elton John. But he can't talk and Fuck it all up! Love you Dale

One day I am going to get the nerve up to email Oprah and beg here to make my wildest dreams come true and let me meet him. She could do it Oprah can do anything, except shop were she wants to in Paris. But other than that she can do anything. Including letting me kiss the shoes of a man that would never be interested in me in the least because of my stupid vagina.

To Anonymous

Fuck You!!!! and you are a week late. Oh and its always easy to hide behind anonymous.

Fucking Coward!

Shhh...Listen, Its the Other Shoe Falling

Well it finally happened, Roman is sick. His little cold is 4 days old and he is pitiful. He is so stuffy he snorts like a little pig. (that part is actually funny) I took him to doctor and they assured me it is only a cold but after spending 7 days in the NICU just 5 weeks ago I am very paranoid.

I am dying to post more. I really am very surprised at how much time a infant takes up. I think I thought since I am older now that I would be more in control of the situation but I was wrong. this human being that just reached the size of a large bag of suger is in charge of every thing in my life. I mean I don't take a shit without passing it by him first. He thinks about it, eats, poops, lets me change his diaper, insist that I kiss him one hundred times and sing Hollaback Girl to him then grants permission to my request to poop. I then must shit faster thane any human being should be ask to do and the process starts all over again.

Ok really Does anyone have any usefull info on home schooling. ( not you Will. I know you do not like it) I have like 2 weeks to figure this out. HELP!!!!!!

Waving the White Flag

Ok, I for one cannot go on like this. I am truly sorry to anyone that I may have hurt with my words. I have held much in for so long and now it is out. I hope that those that were hurt by what I said can forgive me and we can move on from here.

Things That Make You Go HMMMMM

I am feeling out of sorts today. Do you ever have those days where you feel like everything is closing in on you? Like you are just waiting for it to close in. Thats how I am feeling today. I feel like Roman is getting sick so I feel like I am sitting and waiting for that. I am trying to make a major decision on the boys education. I don't know where to start on finding information on home schooling. That's making me feel icky! I am feeling weird about a comment made in my last post from my former preacher. This feeling kinda feels like a fever. It makes my skin feel heeby jeeby and my hands a little shaky.

I also want to say how much I really enjoyed our small BBQ. It has been ages since I have been a function that the men congregated on the outside while the women (and Will) on the inside. I love that I truly do. It felt like a good old fashion BBQ that you sit around and just relax and talk about kids, school, and work. It was good, I hope to do that again soon.

Thanks Dottie for the scarf. I love it!

The Post With No Name

Well I guess I have writers block. I have been racking my brains for days trying to think of something to write about but cannot come up with anything. So obviously I must write about that. I will also to follow up soon with stripper tale #2. I know, I know it has been a ridiculous amount of time since stripper tale #1. But give me a break people I am typing one handed here.

I must also say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my hubby here. Today is Franks 33rd birthday (I think, I am really bad at keeping up with birthdays) we are planning a very small BBQ tonight. This will be much smaller in comparison to BBQs held last year for the sheer fact that we apparently have cooties and ran all of our "friends" off. I only bring this up because I am still a little bitter and pissed about the whole thing and still do not understand how you have 20 million friends one day and then 10 the next. Not that 10 are bad most people would be very happy to have 10 friends, even one would be good enough for them. I am just angry because the group of friends we had were also the church we went to and we were always told that it would not be easy but we would have to love each other through the "crap" anyway. Apparently this motto only applies to a chosen few. I know this will come off like am really pissed and I am dwelling on this but I am not. I am only thinking of it today because it is Franks birthday and even though we are having some really great friends over tonight, the one person I know Frank would love to have here will not be here because of this shit, and that makes me very sad. This person is really really missed by Frank even though he would never say it. So I chose today to mourn the death of that friendship for my husband.

Well I am off to clean the house before tonight. I also must cut my fingernails because I stabbed my poor 5 week old baby with one and feel like SHIT about it.

Roman is 1 month old

Well time is flying by so fast. Roman turned 4 weeks old yesterday. My little boy has gone from sounding like a monkey to a bear. He growls and grunts constantly even in his sleep. He never sleeps more than an hour at a time. Which means I never sleep more than thirty minutes at a time. By the time I get Roman settled and laid down and than spend the next half an hour checking to make sure he is breathing I am up again with him in another half hour. Do not by any means think that I am complaining because I am not. I am enjoying every tiring moment with my little angel. I feel so blessed to have him and I make sure that when I am looking at him through a fog of sleep deprivation I stop to thank God for what I have. Roman still has all his hair but his eyelashes have gone from an almost invisible shade of red to a more visible red.

He sleeps with his hands over his head just like his father. I can say that I am madly in love with this child. I knew that I was already in love with him when I was pregnant but my heart fills close to bursting now that he is here. I have even seen a softer side to Frank. It is weird to see the grumpiest and most negative man in the world baby talk and sleep with his baby son on his chest at 3:30 in the morning because I am exhausted. I love to watch his eyes light up when he walks in the door after work and he lays his eyes on Roman. It makes me love him more and more everyday.

Well that is the end of this very mushy post. Thanks for bearing with me.

It's His Party, I'll Cry If I Want Too

Nelson informed me last night that he:

Had a party in his Pants

What?

I look at him trying not to laugh because I know my son has zero idea of what he is saying. "Where did you hear that expression from?" He tells me Cody. OH??

Well as long as he is the only one at the party I guess its ok to have it. Right?????

Is That Your Bush Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Rita says that I am very brave to post this picture. I say this will be the best picture I will ever post. I didn't even have to suck in my gut when she took this. My gut was my perfect son. This was taken the last hour before we walked out the door for my induction. My other boys were upstairs sleeping as I got naked for the first time in front of my best friend. I stood there saying "Don't get my face." as she and Frank snapped away.

FYI: Rita cropped a tremendous amount of bush from this photo. That was the only thing I was embarrassed about, being the former stripper and all, I have been VERY well groomed for many years now. But since about 5 months of pregnancy I gave up. Kinda hard to maintain what you can't see anymore. I have informed my husband, once action on the playing field commences, the field will mowed properly. TMI, right? Sorry, I do that sometimes. Well actually all the time.

Baby and Sex

These seem to be the only two things on my mind lately. The baby because I worship his 20 inch body and Sex because it has been so long since I've gotten any! I was on pelvic rest from about 8 weeks of pregnancy to 35 weeks. When I could have it I was not so into it! Who can be into it when there is fully developed human being between you and the man that put said human being there. My relationship with my husband was founded on sex and I want it back. I am not talking about the purpose driven sex we had for a year to conceive the most perfect baby in the world. I am talking the dirty nasty drunk sex that made us fall in love to begin with.

This post was not only typed one handed as I nurse perfect baby but inspired by RitaPita and the sweaty dirty firemen of Columbia county. Must see RitaPita's latest post to get that.

Censored

I would like to start by thanking everyone for their well wishes on the birth of the most gorgous baby in the world. (if you see his big brothers and tell them I said that I will tell them not believe people that read blogs of people who can't spell!!!!) And on that spelling subject I truly apologize for my awlful spelling. I would like to say it will get better now that I am sleeping slightly more and not itching to death but that would be a lie. I have never been known for my spelling, or math for that matter. But you can ask me anything about serial killers and I can fill you in on the why, when, and where. Go ahead ask me.......I am that good! I also hate the spell check that comes with blogger I would rather look like a dumb ass than use that thing.

OK now back to the title:

I am a part of message board of the Doctor that performed my Tubal Reversal. I have been reading and posting on this board for three years in October. Post are usually limited to comments and questions about trying to conceive after you get the surgery with annoucements of pregnancies and births of the "star" babies. Well being the proud and happy mother that I am I went on and posted a link to this site so that I could share the pics that Rita put on for me last week. Well, my post up and dissapeared before I logged back on again. When I tried to find it I was told it did not exist. So I posted another one asking where my post and link went and was informed that I could not link people from that site to mine because of my "sexual language and links to adult sites" Great day I feel like a porn star selling my goods. What a bunch of dumb asses! The sad thing is I havn't even begun to write the really "racey" things. Let me put it this way....left hand on bible and right hand in swear position...... I promise to do exactly that. Anyone know any really good adult sites I can link to. The raunchier the better. Don't want to dissapoint.

I will try to be back soon I have fussy baby needing some yummy milk filled titty. (can you imagine the googling hits I will get from that last sentance.)

sincerly,
Debbie from Dallas (See how many of you get that. Warning: May show your age if you do!)_

Roman Is Here!

The Night Before

Sleeping Soundly

Roman Feet

Labor Day

I am sitting here with 2 hours and 5 minutes before I am t be induced. I am very nervous. Frank is asleep upstairs and Rita is asleep in the chair in the living room. I am glad someone is getting some sleep. I am way to scared to even think about sleeping.

I will update everyone in a couple of days. I am going to finish laundry and take a shower before we go and welcome baby Roman into the world. Hopefully I will have some pictures for you soon too.