Ya'll Won't Believe This Shit.

Well I said last post that we have a lot going on. I was not ready to tell anything then and still don't know if I want to now.

As you guys know I have had a lot of stuff going on health wise. Hemorrhaging cyst, crazy cervix, and a mole that needed to come off. Well my pap came back normal, my cyst is still there but doc. said it was shrinking, and I had the mole removed a week and a half ago. And the sinus/ear infection cleared up with a round of antibiotics.

While the doctor numbed me up he ask me if I was pregnant. I of course laugh in his face. Probably louder than I should. Saying "NO!, but anything is possible." Why did I say that ? that was weird. I did not think about it again until the next when i went to eat lunch wiht Nelson at school. As I drove home I had this strong urge to take a pregnancy test. I rolled my eyes to myself and said "whatever." I decided for peice of mind I would take the test. I came home and handed baby Roman over to Allen. I went upstairs and locked the door to my bathroom. I got the test out and followed the directions. I'll be damned if there were not two lines before I could finish wiping. I, of course, burst into tears. How am I going to tell Frank about this? Roman is only 5 months old! I do pregnancy really really bad! We have 5 kids!

I packed Roman up and went straight to RitaPita's. I started crying again as soon as I saw her standing on her porch. After stitting with her for a couple of hours I went home to wait for Frank. When he got home I ask him if he loved me no matter what. He looked at me and said " Your pregnant." I burst into tears agian. We went and got two more test that came back with same results. We did not talk about it again for the rest of the night.

The next day I decided I needed to go to the Doctor because I had been very crampy the last couple of weeks. I had a ssumed it was the cyst. I went to a local ER so I could be seen immeditatly. I have zero patience. Well 8 hours latter I am told that yes I was pregnant but no it is not a viable pregnancy. It was a blighted ovum. Well now I am completely confused. What is the point of me getting knock up now if it was not going to be a viable pregnancy.

I am feeling huge guilt about being so upset after learning I was pregnant and know something is wrong. What kind of mother am I? No matter how big of a surprise or how unplannned, I would never wish harm to any of my babies.

I was told to come backin a week to confirm blighted ovum. I spent the next week praying and trying to make sence of what wasgoing on. I went back on the 23 and all they did was blood work. I was told that my bloodwork look fine and go see my OB. What!? I am so confused at this moment. I am still cramping and they are just going to send me out the door without doing another ultrasound to make sure it is not in my tube. (Tubal Reversals carry a high risk op etopic pregnancies)

I come and call Frank at work and tell him. he dicides to ball the doctor that did my reveswal. they say under NO circumstances am I to go one more day without a ultrasound. so Frank and I head back to a different ER and tell them what is going on. they take me up to do another ultrasound. I have prepared myself for the bad news and have decided that whatever God is up to I would be OK with it. I just know I would be missing Thanksgiving because I would be recovering from surgery for the etopic I knew I had.

Well the tech does the ultrasound. she clicks and mesures things. She said she can't find my left overy. I keep watching Frank's face because I am sure he will tell me something. He has seen aenough of these to know how tho read a ultrasound by now. He makes no facial expresion what so ever. the tech then flips the screen around where I can see it too. There on the screen is a little blob with a tiny little blinking dot.

You got it. I am pregnant. 7 and half weeks pregnant. Once the shock has worn off, Frank and I both are fine. Roman will be 13 months old when this one is due. Of course due to my cholestasis I will deliver early which means Roman will only be about 12 months old. Due date as of know is July 12th. This may change because I do not know when I ovulated. I put my due date in a prgnancy calculator and and it said I got pregnant on the http://fiveinchheels.blogspot.com/2005/10/just-for-record.html18th of October. If I was going to get pregnant I am glad that was the time I did. You have to read my entry from that day to understand what I am talking about.

We are not telling the boys for a while so no one spill beans for us, OK!