31 October 2005

As Usual

Things did not work out as planned. Yes, I admit that my plan was a little ambitious. And of the course the romance got lost. We spent out Roman free time buying film and a hat mittens for him. Our trip to Helen Ga. was nice though. I have pictures but it will be a while before I can get my hands on them because with all the planning I still left the house without my camera. Film but no Camera. What kind of mother does that? My sister-in-law took pictures but it will be forever before she finishes her roll and get them developed. Helen was a whole lot more touristy than I thought it would be. Nothing but little shops selling flea market merchandice. Every thing was ridiculously overpriced. I did manage to buy boiled peanuts, fudge and a yummy bottle of chardonney we found at a mountain winery.All said it was a nice day.

We spent Sunday morning recovering from the trip. The afternoon was spent trying to get the boys ready for halloween. They won't be trick-or-treating but we will be going to my mom's church for their harvest festival. We have done this for several years now and it has always been a lot of fun. Hay rides, costumes, and all the hotdags and junk you can eat.

Happy Halloween everyone!

28 October 2005

Romance 101

Frank I were suppose to have romantic night tonight. As usual it probably will not happen. I had set it up with my mom two weekends ago to watch Roman while Fank and I went to "dinner". I can't very well tell her that we really were planning on coming home and drinking a couple of glasses of my favorite wine and having loud sloppy sex without having to worry about putting my kids into counceling latter because they heard it. It is bad enough that Trey walked in on quiet married sex last weekend and then pretended that he never actually opened the door. I spent 20 minutes trying to pry out of him what he saw without actually saying "Do you know what we were doing?" Lucky for us I still had my t-shirt on and it was a quickie to put my husband to sleep. Because if it were a lets put Hotmama to sleep we would have a whole lot more "splainin" to do. He would still be in a fetal postion somewhere trying to wipe the image out of his mind.

Back to the romantic night. Its hard to talk Frank into these things. His idea of getting things going is him grabbing his crotch and saying "You want some of this?" I know ladies don't get jealous. He's all mine!

But now the day is here and my sister Kristy is coming into town with my neice. Now I just want ot go and hang out with them because I only get to see them about once a month. We also have a trip planned to go Helen Ga. tomorrow and I have to go get film. God forbid we go anywhere wiyhout film. My child would not know how to react without the paparazzi chasing him.

I guess I will figure it out. Maybe I can try to squeeze it all into one night. I have been drunk with a afterglow at Walmart before I guess i can do it again.

So the plan:

1) take baby to mama's and get boys to their dad's
2) drink wine and have loud sloppy drunk sex
3) visit with sister and neice
4) buy film and pack for day trip
5) be at mother-in-law's house by ten or eleven tonight and try to sleep before leaving at a ungodly hour to go to Helen in the morning.

Wish me Luck

27 October 2005

Happy Birthday Tabbie

This is a name some of ya'll have not heard. It's my sister. Every year from Oct. 27 to Dec. 6 are the exact same age.

Will fnish latter baby is fussing..........it's now 14 hours latter. I want to finish while it is still her brthday.

My sister has a lot of problems. She is a self admitted meth addict. My mother is raising her kids and we usually go for weeks at time without hearing from her, hoping she is not dead. The longest we ever went was a year. Finding out she was living three hours away.

Our faimly is playing tuff love with her rihgt now. For years she has floated in and out of all of our lives. She has been particularly hard on my mother, guilting her out of clothes, money, and cars on her "I promise I am going to change. Can I stay with you until I can get back on my feet." Right after Roman was born she showed up at my house looking for somewhere to stay for a couple of days. After a huge fight and a lot of terrible words she left then went and got into it with my parents who made her leave their house too. She has been even more distant since then and living even more secretive than usual. She want give any info of where she is or a phone number.

I do love her and worry about her al the time. I pray for her safty all the time. Everytime I hear on the news that body is found I always hold my breath until I hear it is not her.

I know you will not read this but I do love you sister. Happy Birthday! I hope your 35th year is the year you come back to us.

Your Big Sister

25 October 2005

Comments and Kid Update

Ok I have noticed that no one ever comments anymore. I know people vistit and read but not one ever says anything. I was os nervous about the last post and not one person said anything. I really miss Rita I know she would have said something. If anyone has any ideas on how to stir stuff up around here let me know. But wait that would require commenting.

Other Stuff:

Much like my blog not much going on in life. I spend all day catering to King Roman and schooling Allen. He is doing well. Nelson got his report card and did really good. He did make a "D" in English but that is his hardest subject and we are gonna try and pull that up. Other than that he got A's and B's. I am VERY VERY proud of him. Trey is still trying ot get his driving licence which is become a big pain in the butt not because of the test itself but the non-corporation of his school giving the correct paper work. In the state of Georgia you have to have papers showing that he is in school and they can't get their stuff togeather. My parents actually got him a car and it is just sitting waiting for him to get his permit. Hopefully soon he will have it. He also got a new job that he seems to be happy about.

SAD PATHETIC news of the day: Frank was in bed by 8:30 tonight . My hot husband is turning into a old fart. BORING!!!!!

21 October 2005


WARNING: This is a very telling post of my past. It aint pretty. I hope you still respect me after you read it. It is part of how I have become the person I am today. That I am proud of. If you comment I ask that you be kind! It has been a draft for four days so I get the get the courage to publish it.

I wanted to take a minute and explain the drawing that has been added to the right of the page. I was working dayshift at a club in 1999 when a ex of one of my partners in crime came in. He had this huge canvas type thing covered up under a tarp. I am going to try and give his name but I am afraid I will misspel it. His signature was hard to read. His name is Daryle Zerbal. Before I finish that story let me first tell you how I came to know him and his ex.

I met her in the second club that I worked in Augusta. We hit off immediately and before I knew it I was doing an eightball a day with her. There were three of us in that club that worked all night just to pay for the coke that was fronted to us as we came in the door. We preceeded to plow through drugs, alchol, men, and women. It became one big game. Barbie and I got closer and closer and before I knew it I had feeling for her that was not just a game. These feeling helped me spiral lower and lower into a world that I was no longer in control of. I had handed all of my cotrol over to her. She and I would always came to each other at the end of the day where we would find time do whatever I intoxicated bodies led us to do. I woke up on more than one occasion butt naked in her bed not remembering what had happen the night before Once I woke up in her bed with her and Daryle asleep in the living room. I had foggy flashbacks of a drunk sloppy threesome. She told me later that I spent the majority fo the time swatting away Daryle hands everytime he tried to touch me. I had only wanted to be with her and would not allow him to act out the fantasey of having two women at one time. I realized then that I wanted her and only her.

By this time, it was clear that our relationship was never going to be what I had fantasied about. She had taken to actually slapping me in the face whenever she wanted to show the people around her that I was her "Bitch." I let her do this because of my feelings and the fact that she was my main connection to the cocaine I HAD to have at this point. I had always said that I would never exchange sex for money and during Masters week of 1998 I had finally gotten to close to crossing that line. Barbie told me that she, myself, and one other girl would be doing a private show for a man in the house he had rented for the week. Once we got there we got as fucked up as we possibly could consuming as much coke, pot, and vodka before "showtime." Our danced turned into a private sex show for this man. He sat and masterbated as the three of us "performed" for him. (OK I promise not ot use "those" anymore) I never allowed him to actually touch any of us but it was way too close to breaking my golden drug rule. I went to work that night and worked the last night of Masters week. I then walked away form her and that club to try and clean myself up. I decided to do it on my own and what fun that was. After a couple of months I went back to work at a different club. I broke all ties with her and everyone else that I partied with. I spent the next three years steering clear of her. I had two relapses where I did one line each time because I thought I could and just wanted a littlt of that old feeling. One with her. Eventually I successfully broke free of her. Dayrle however would pop in every now and then to say hi and ask me out,.I turned him down for obvious reasons. I did do a private party for him later along with another dancer and room full of his friends. This too being another low in my life. Also another story for later.

Years later Barbie started working at the club that I eventually retired from. There were rumors of STDs and prostitition that swirled around her and as much as I wanted to help her I knew that it would not be possible for me to do so without getting sucked in again. I was not going to risk that. I also knew that she was a vindictive girl. I had seen her steal shoes of girls she hated and put Visine in their drinks to make them sick so they would have to go home for the night. I was very protective of myself, my property and my drinks at this time so I would not fall victim to her yet again. She was in the hospital with, what I was told, The Clap on my last day of work. I never saw her again after that.

Now back to the drawing. Daryle gave this to me about a year before I retired something he did from memory because I had not seen him for at least a year or so prior to him giving it to me. Even though it carries all kinds of bad memories with it I love it so much. I have always felt quite honored that he did it for me even with our history. He did a great jub of capturing the details of who I was at that time. The Eygptian Cross on my arm is actually a tatoo on my leg and the collar and leash captured my very latex and black period I went through. He got the droop of my nose just perfect. And now you know the story of the drawing to the right. Sorry so LONG.

OH yeah, Tye was my stage name.

20 October 2005

Educating Allen

People have been asking me how Allen's homeschooling is going. Well it seems to be going great. He was born to be homeschooled. The last couple of years when he was in regular school he called at least 3 times out of the week for me to pick him up. He always had a headache or his stomach hurt. I was beginning to think he had a tumor because his head hurt so much. When he failed the 7th grade for the second time and I went into panic mode. And when we started this whole endeavor I was terrified. But since we have started I have figured out that I think Allen has social anxiety and this is a good fit for him. Frank worries about him not having enough interaction with other kids. Well we lucked out and one of his friend from up the street is homeschooled to so they meet up every day at about 2:00 and do what ever it is that 13 and a 14 year old does.

I think the only thing that he is missing is the abuse of middleschool and I am thankful I could save him from that. Kids at that age are so hurtful. I HATED middle school. I wish I had an option maybe I would not have as many issues if I could have been saved from it. I want say it is the root of all my problems because my childhood really did a number on me but it did not help. That is for sure. But back to him....sorry......he is doing great.I think we finally made a good decision. I guess the odds were eventually in out favor.

18 October 2005

Just For The Record

After 8 months of "pelvic rest" and 4 months of hurry before the baby wakes up. I have just had some really really GOOD sex. Yeah, it's weird me telling the internet and all but it really has been that long and it really was that GOOD!

17 October 2005


My poor guy is super constipated. He has been taking solid foods for about three weeks now and loves it. His favorite is bannannas and sweet potaoes.....so you can imagine why this post is called "Prunes." Roman has been trying to poop since Friday and has only gotten out two golf ball sized dark poops. It so sad to watch him try to go. He grunts and turns bright red and still does nothing. I went to the store yesterday to find something to help him. I have been advised to use mineral oil, Karo syrup, and baby laxatives but I cannot bring myself to give him any of these. So I broke down and got him eight bottles of prunes instead. On the first attempted to feed it to yesterday he burst into tears after about five bites. I tried again latter last night and he ate the rest of jar. But that has been over 24 hours ago and still no poop. I am reluctant to give him anymore just yet because I think once it works I am going to have a huige mess on my hands. I am going to give him one more day and then feed him another jar with only breast milk until then. If any one has any ideas out there I will be happy to hear them I (when I say I, I mean Roman) am getting desperate.

Girly Night Update:

Rita, Veronica, and I had a really good time. We also invited Sarah and Kris but neither of them could make it. I am just going to have to say ya'll missed a good time. There was too much food, 2 bottles of cheap wine, and a very girly movie. Something that is going to have to happen again because sometimes I think we need that. Just the giggling alone was worth doing it again. Frank who was suppose to play pocker ended up staying home and became my parttime nanny. I fed the baby and then he took upstairs until he was ready for bed then I took back over until he went to sleep. Thanks Frank!!! You are a good daddy.

15 October 2005

Those Are Some Big Honkin Feet

Roman was born all feet and hands. For the last four months I have alternated between about 4 pairs of sock that would fit him. Leaving the other ninety six pairs to lay in his drawer never to be worn. I finally broke down yesterday and went ot buy him socks and resolved not leave until I found some that actually fit his big'ole feet. I thought maybe it was just a matter of finding the right brand or style but OH, was I wrong. After we stood there for twenty minutes holding pair after pair up to those boats we finally started opening packages and and popping those little platic thingies off to try them on to see which one fit. We ended up walking out of the store with six pairs of socks labeled TODDLER: Size 18-36 month. The child is only 4 months old. At this rate by the time he is 18 months old he is going to wearing Nelson's socks.

Dollar Movie:
We went ot dollar movie last night. I have said for years I would never be one of those people that brought their baby to the movies but there I was. While Frank, my mother-in-law, and sister-in- law watched. I spent my time rocking and bouncing a very tired baby in the back of the theater and then evetually outside in the hall way. After I got him to sleep I snuck back in, letting me see the beginning and the end of Wedding Crashers. Which from what I could tell was pretty good. Oh well, better luck next time.

Girly Night:
Rita and I are going to try and have girly night toningt. This will be first time since Roman was born that we are going to do something together. Our something is only going to be dinner and a movie HERE but it still a girly anyway. So as we eat and watch the movie we will play pass the baby back and forth. It's been a while since Rita has spent time with him so I might actually sit through a movie without bouncing and rocking him myself!

14 October 2005

Joe Dirt

In about three day most of the hair on TOP of Roman's head has fallen out. All he has left is the sides and back. (ya'll know a picture is coming) As I look at the top of his bald head I realize that when it grows back in it will grow in as a mullet. Making me the mother of Joe Dirt. How white trash will that be?!?!

My Daddy

Yes, it's sad I still call him daddy. Anyhow......He had surgery on his throat yesterday morning. there was some sort of knot that had to come out. The doctor said it came form really bad acid reflux. I did not find out about the surgery until Monday. this week has been really weird for me emotionally. My father and I are not very close. In fact he never talks to me when I am around, which is a lot. When I call the house and he answers the phone I just ask for my mom and that's it. No hi, I love you, kiss my ass, or bite me. Is mama there? Yeah....silence. Mama gets on the phone, done.

I know I broke his heart when I was a teenager because I left home in 11th grade. I don't think he has ever gotten over it. He does not hug me or tell me he loves me unless prompted to do so. It would be easy to think he is like this with everyone but he actually talks to my little sister. The one that lived at home while she went college and actually finished. She proceeded to get a real job...that she hates...for Department of Social Services. She never ran off in high school, got pregnant, got married, had three kids. got divorced, stripped for a living, did coke and everyother drug she could get her hands on, slept around, became a lesbian (OH, I didn't tell you about that.....Well I not going to right now either) went "staight" again, and finally settled down. I just don't know what it is about me that makes him uncomfortable.

Well any case he is doing fine. The lump was sent ot pathology but seem to look fine by doctor. So we will, like everything else in life, wait and see.

11 October 2005

See, I Do Take Other People's Pictures

My favorite lady in the whole world. My grandmother with two of her babies with her. She LOVES her babies! Also, my other neice and my mom.

My sweet neice holding her living and breathing babydoll.

Mr. man dressed up for homecoming at is Mawmaw's church.

10 October 2005

A Perfect Moment

As I lay sleeply nursing Roman with Frank snuggled up against me is a perfect moment.

08 October 2005

Hemorhaging Cyst and UTI's

I have been feeling overly tired lately and could not figure out why. About six weeks or so I had what I thought was a period. It came on very fast with heavy bleeding that lasted for 3 days and stopped as fast as it started. I did not really think to much of it since I am breastfeeding. Well for about 3 weeks now I have been feeling PMSey and waited for my period to start again. I waited and I waited but no period. I just have gotten more tired and have had a lot of back pain and cramping. Wend. I started bleeding again. It came on just as fast as last time and got heavier and heavier. I then realized that I have done this before. the month before Roman was conceived. I had the same thing happen and my friend Pam went with me to the doctor where I was told I had a cyst. My doctor gave me some sort of hormone pill and the bleeding stopped. Throughout my pregnancy I had pain in the spot that the cyst was located but no one ever said anything about it and I did not think about it again until yesterday morning. I had been up and down most of the night feeling like I was going to bleed to death. I decided I should probably go and get it checked. After 5 hours in the ER I was told that yes, I have something called a hemorhaging cyst and for added fun a UTI. They gave me a super strong antibiotic and pain medicine. Hopefully now I can get back to normal. I argued with the doctor that I did not see how antibiotic would make a cyst go away but he said it sighed and said it would, like I was an idiot. So I guess I will have to wait to see. I am still bleeding so its not working yet.

All I really want to do is sleep but as any one with children and a four month old (who is breastfed) knows this is just a fantasy.

The doctor did say however that I have wonderful looking cervix to be four months postpartum. ERRR.......Thanks! I've been working out?

05 October 2005

Perfectly Healthy Baby

Baby Roman had his 4 month checkup yesterday and besides the fact he seems to have a little cold his doctor said he is perfectly healthy baby. He weighs 15 pounds now. He carries at least 13 of those pounds in his thighs and knees. He recieved 3 shots yesterday that almost killed me and him. You see my baby does not cry. He has never had real reason to cry I am always their to stop whatever could make him cry. The most he ever gets worked up is in the night when he is hungry. These hunger tantrums only last seconds because he is in the crib right beside me so before he can really cry I snatch him up and save the day...night. But yesterday it all changed. He was all smiles as the evil nurse enters. She takes his wonderful smile away in about 2 seconds with three pokes of three needles. He cried so hard that he actually had tears. Real tears that streamed down his perfect soft face as he tried to catch his breath. I sat their wishing I had something to catch those tears in so I could save them forever. After five minutes of crying as he tried to nurse he stopped, only to start up a second latter as relived the horror he experienced five minutes earlier. I try to tell him everything is OK but all he says is, " No its not it, It will never be OK again!" But after another five minutes he was fine and he was OK and the world did not end. I did however informFrank to plan on taking half day off on December 7 because I want him to have the joy of shot day. why should I keep that all to myself. I am giving person I want him to have some too. Don't you think that is fair.

Now here are some pictures of the perfectly healthy baby. My pitures are actually 2 weeks behind because I do not have a digital camara so we have wait for pics to be developed. These are him at about 15 weeks he is about 17 weeks now. I however have pics being developed as we speak. God forbid my child goes a day with the paparozzi (how in hell do you spell that?) chasing him. He is going to grow up thinking he is a celebrity and will not understand why his wife is not running behind him taking his picture as he poops or eats. I will just tell him it's because she obvioulsy does not love him as much as I do.

This is Frank playing the one-eyed baby game with pip sqeak monkey legs

Roman at Arts in the Heart of Downtown Augusta. What you can't see is how freakin hot it was that day!

Look at those big fat sleeping cheeks

03 October 2005

Sex, Drugs, And Rock N' Roll

So, Fank and I went ot his mother's Baptist church this Sunday for homecoming. I have not set one foot into a Baptist church for at least 18 years. I greww up southern Baptist and decided that it was nor for me early on. Well I can saftly say my opion has not changed. As much as I really loved the old hymns and smallness of the church itself I heard something that took me back to the old days of fire and brimstone. As the preacher introduced the guest speaker for the beginning of thier revival week and said nice things about him he described him as: Being saved from alcohol, drugs, and rock music. I'll just leave it at that.

A Trey Story:

When we went to Six flags a couple af weeks ago Trey had been up for 3 days straight because he had gone to Alabama to help give food out after Hurricane Katrina. We picked him up that morning as the bus came in and went staight to Six Flags. Needless to say by the end of the day he was crazy tired. He rode in the back seat beside Roman and tried to sleep. Roman who was also tired and cranky fussed softly in his car seat. Trey in his sleepless fog tried to make him stop fussing so he could sleep. After a few failed attempts to give him his pacifier I heard this from the back seat, "Shut up and eat your pacifier." Nice, huh. I am gonna have to get that kid some parenting classes before he gives me grandbabies.