21 October 2005


WARNING: This is a very telling post of my past. It aint pretty. I hope you still respect me after you read it. It is part of how I have become the person I am today. That I am proud of. If you comment I ask that you be kind! It has been a draft for four days so I get the get the courage to publish it.

I wanted to take a minute and explain the drawing that has been added to the right of the page. I was working dayshift at a club in 1999 when a ex of one of my partners in crime came in. He had this huge canvas type thing covered up under a tarp. I am going to try and give his name but I am afraid I will misspel it. His signature was hard to read. His name is Daryle Zerbal. Before I finish that story let me first tell you how I came to know him and his ex.

I met her in the second club that I worked in Augusta. We hit off immediately and before I knew it I was doing an eightball a day with her. There were three of us in that club that worked all night just to pay for the coke that was fronted to us as we came in the door. We preceeded to plow through drugs, alchol, men, and women. It became one big game. Barbie and I got closer and closer and before I knew it I had feeling for her that was not just a game. These feeling helped me spiral lower and lower into a world that I was no longer in control of. I had handed all of my cotrol over to her. She and I would always came to each other at the end of the day where we would find time do whatever I intoxicated bodies led us to do. I woke up on more than one occasion butt naked in her bed not remembering what had happen the night before Once I woke up in her bed with her and Daryle asleep in the living room. I had foggy flashbacks of a drunk sloppy threesome. She told me later that I spent the majority fo the time swatting away Daryle hands everytime he tried to touch me. I had only wanted to be with her and would not allow him to act out the fantasey of having two women at one time. I realized then that I wanted her and only her.

By this time, it was clear that our relationship was never going to be what I had fantasied about. She had taken to actually slapping me in the face whenever she wanted to show the people around her that I was her "Bitch." I let her do this because of my feelings and the fact that she was my main connection to the cocaine I HAD to have at this point. I had always said that I would never exchange sex for money and during Masters week of 1998 I had finally gotten to close to crossing that line. Barbie told me that she, myself, and one other girl would be doing a private show for a man in the house he had rented for the week. Once we got there we got as fucked up as we possibly could consuming as much coke, pot, and vodka before "showtime." Our danced turned into a private sex show for this man. He sat and masterbated as the three of us "performed" for him. (OK I promise not ot use "those" anymore) I never allowed him to actually touch any of us but it was way too close to breaking my golden drug rule. I went to work that night and worked the last night of Masters week. I then walked away form her and that club to try and clean myself up. I decided to do it on my own and what fun that was. After a couple of months I went back to work at a different club. I broke all ties with her and everyone else that I partied with. I spent the next three years steering clear of her. I had two relapses where I did one line each time because I thought I could and just wanted a littlt of that old feeling. One with her. Eventually I successfully broke free of her. Dayrle however would pop in every now and then to say hi and ask me out,.I turned him down for obvious reasons. I did do a private party for him later along with another dancer and room full of his friends. This too being another low in my life. Also another story for later.

Years later Barbie started working at the club that I eventually retired from. There were rumors of STDs and prostitition that swirled around her and as much as I wanted to help her I knew that it would not be possible for me to do so without getting sucked in again. I was not going to risk that. I also knew that she was a vindictive girl. I had seen her steal shoes of girls she hated and put Visine in their drinks to make them sick so they would have to go home for the night. I was very protective of myself, my property and my drinks at this time so I would not fall victim to her yet again. She was in the hospital with, what I was told, The Clap on my last day of work. I never saw her again after that.

Now back to the drawing. Daryle gave this to me about a year before I retired something he did from memory because I had not seen him for at least a year or so prior to him giving it to me. Even though it carries all kinds of bad memories with it I love it so much. I have always felt quite honored that he did it for me even with our history. He did a great jub of capturing the details of who I was at that time. The Eygptian Cross on my arm is actually a tatoo on my leg and the collar and leash captured my very latex and black period I went through. He got the droop of my nose just perfect. And now you know the story of the drawing to the right. Sorry so LONG.

OH yeah, Tye was my stage name.

1 comment:

RitaPita said...

i am surprised you had no other comments on this post.

you are so brave to tell your stories.