13 January 2006


I seem to be out of sorts. I don't think it is as much hormonal as just lonely. I have not realy had any one to talk to for a couple of weeks except Allen. And to be honest I just don't get that kid sometimes.

My husband ran off to play poker tonight. I know what you are thinking I just didn't want him to go. But actually his playing poker this week was my idea. I know he likes it and it is a outlet. We all need one of those. I think that is my problem, I don't have an outlet. If I were to choose an outloet I don't even know what it would be. I think I need to get out more. No, not like bars and all that crap. I have already said I have had my fill of those.

I think one problem is, is that we are a one car faimly. I usually only get the car when I have a doctor appointment. I do have many of those but that is not a good time out. When I think about it I don't know what I would do if I had the way and means to do anything I wanted to.

I think I am just feeling out of touch with the world. My whole life I have lived in populated areas and now their is no one out there but squirrels and deer. And as I stated in my last post, not a fan of nature so none of that does me any good.

As I write this I realize this is not the first kind of post I have written on the subject. Maybe it is more depression rather than loneliness. I have fought and been treated for depression most of my adult life. But seeing how I have spent what seems like the last two years pregnant medication has been pushed to the back burner. I thought about it before I got pregnant again but I am breastfeeding Roman and that seems more important than me feeling good. In fact I think I would feel worse if I could not breastfeed him.

I actually feel better just writing this. So maybe this is my outlet. Scary thought, huh. Scary because I only get around to doing it about once a week.

Ok, I am bored with this bitch fest. I am sure you are too. Until next time.

No comments: